I was both amused and slightly nauseated by a CNN report yesterday that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are “threatening” to close their Twitter accounts, to which I can only respond, “Promises, promises!”

I’m sure many fans are pleading with the highly engaged and highly engaging Kutcher to reconsider, given the potential loss to the world of this truly unique voice. Nah, I’m kidding, made ya look. He’s one of the most boring and banal people on Twitter. I’d follow a multi-level marketer or someone selling colon cleanser or poke my eyes out with hot needles before reading Kutcher’s timeline. In fact, I follow people meeting both those descriptions, but not Kutcher.

Seriously, Ashton, go away. Cancel your Twitter account. I’m not sure what kind of workload your one million-plus followers places on Twitter’s servers, but please, free up some processing power and space in Twitter’s database because your participation is entirely without substance or value to the community.

Tags: aplusk, Ashton Kutcher, Twitter, threatens, account, CNN