Is it OK to text or tweet from a restaurant? From the dinner table at home? During a meeting at work? These questions are the subject of much debate right now as Twitter goes mainstream and smart phones have become more affordable. (You can tweet with SMS, but it’s much easier and more rewarding with an Internet connection.)

My standard response to these questions, despite the fact that I am a frequent offender, is “New technology does not require new manners.” Just because there is a new gadget, a new web site or a new way of communicating doesn’t mean that the normal requirement of respect for the feelings, privacy and well being of others has been temporarily suspended so I can try out the iPhone Voice Memo feature in a cafe.

Often when I speak about this topic, I cite a conversation I heard many years ago on the radio. A caller asked Miss Manners, aka Judith Martin, if it was OK to answer a cell phone in a restaurant and she responded that in the past there weren’t hard-wired telephones at every table and just because the phone had now become wireless didn’t mean people wanted to hear phone conversations while they dined. She went on to say she was amazed how easily people used the introduction of new technology as an excuse to suspend good manners.

I dedicated my book, SocialCorp, to my family, and particularly to my eight-year-old daughter. My kids used to bring Game Boys and other devices to the table, so I banned them from the dinner table, explaining that I wanted to have conversations with my family, not listening to the sound of clicking keyboards and exclamations of “yes!” as they reached the next level in a game. This all changed when daddy got an iPhone, and one night my daughter said, “Daddy, no electronic devices at the dinner table!” Touche.

I was pleased to find that Miss Manners has not changed her position on this. In a May column Compulsive Texting Pushes Friend’s Buttons, she writes:

“Every time there is a new toy, people imagine that it is not covered by existing etiquette rules and therefore they feel free to use it to annoy other people.

So it was with cellular telephones. And, as you point out, people still need to be reminded not to use their telephones to violate the old rules against disturbing others with noise and ignoring people who have a claim on their attention”

Another popular topic is whether it’s OK to tweet during meetings. Many people have become accustomed to tweeting “live coverage” of events and presentations. But tweeting during a meeting is a distraction. Many studies of cell phone use in cars reveal the danger comes not only by the demands of holding a phone or dialing the digits, but because the brain is occupied by something other than the road. The same thing surely goes on in meetings, and failure to pay attention to someone in the meeting, particularly your boss or your boss’s boss, is also very dangerous. On the other hand, tweeting and texting are a little less invasive than using a laptop. Of course some people don’t have any manners or sense of decorum at all. I once watched in amazement as a manager used his laptop to shop on eBay while his VP and SVP could easily see his screen.

The question of etiquette should also apply to the content of tweets, blog posts, comments on blogs, etc. For some reason the false feeling of anonymity and detachment, (and for some, power), on the net causes people to write things they would never say to a person. If you’re about to post a criticism, or point a finger, ask yourself, “If I knew this person and we were having coffee together, would I say this to them?” If not, you probably shouldn’t post it. I have frequently violated this rule and the results are never pretty. I went so far as to write my Social Media Love Manifesto, my personal code for using social media fairly.

What do you think? Are those who want to ban texting and Twitter from meetings, restaurants, funerals and weddings, out of touch? Or is technology becoming invasive? And are people getting ruder?

Tags: texting, SMS, twitter, tweet, etiquette, Miss Manners, manners, meeting